Nearly two thousand years ago, the Stoic philosopher Epictetus opened his entire philosophy with a single, sharp distinction: “Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.” (Enchiridion, 1). Nearly everything the Stoics taught about resilience, anger, and peace of mind flows from that opening line.
Control, in the Stoic sense, was never about commanding the world around you. It was about correctly sorting what actually belongs to you — your judgments, your effort, your reactions — from what never did: other people’s opinions, outcomes, the weather, the past. Most frustration, Epictetus argued, comes from confusing the two columns: demanding control over a job offer, a person’s feelings, or yesterday, when the only lever that was ever actually in your hand was how you responded.
Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor who studied Epictetus’s teaching decades later, applied the same idea to his own daily frustrations as a ruler at war. In Meditations (8.47, trans. George Long), he wrote: “If thou art pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs thee, but thy own judgment about it. And it is in thy power to wipe out this judgment now.” Notice the shift: the emperor of Rome, with more external power than almost anyone in his world, still located real control inside his own mind rather than in his circumstances. Seneca made a related point in his letters to Lucilius, arguing that most of what disturbs us is imagined suffering over things that haven’t happened, or things we were never entitled to control in the first place — worry itself becomes a choice once you see it that way.
Stoicism’s dichotomy of control isn’t a call to passivity. It’s the opposite: by giving up the exhausting project of controlling things that were never yours, you free up real effort for the one thing that always is — your own judgment and response. The stoic quotes on what you can control below are grouped by the different ways that plays out.
On Shaping the Life You Want
Life is what you make it
Often attributed to various figures but no single verified origin. (Unknown folk origin)
Look for the circumstances you want
Attribution uncertain; possibly a modern saying or paraphrase. (English proverb)
Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it
Widely attributed but no verified primary source. (Irving Berlin)
Love temperately
Romeo and Juliet (William Shakespeare)
On Letting Go of What Isn’t Yours
Stop trying to change people
Attribution is uncertain; widely used in self-help and therapy circles without a definitive origin. (Unknown)
If you do not run your own life, somebody else will
Common self-help proverb, no single known origin (Modern English)
Go through life feeling neither greed nor envy
Proverbial advice with parallels in Stoic and Buddhist philosophy. (Traditional wisdom)
Avoid making sarcastic remarks
No singular author; widely circulated in etiquette and self-help contexts. (Common contemporary wisdom)
Don’t use name-calling in fights
Common advice, often attributed to general wisdom. (Unknown)
On Controlling Your Reactions
Count to ten before you get angry
Often attributed to Thomas Jefferson, but this is disputed. (Proverb)
When things go wrong, don’t go with them
Commonly attributed to Elvis Presley in interviews; no specific verified source. (Elvis Presley)
Anger punishes itself
Origin uncertain; often cited as an English proverb. (Traditional proverb)
Let your anger out in safe action
Common saying in anger management and self-help literature. (Unknown)
On Controlling Your Habits and Impulses
Constant occupation prevents temptation
Traditional saying of unknown origin. (English proverb)
Flee the pleasure that will pain you tomorrow
Origin uncertain; often associated with Stoic philosophy. (Traditional Proverb)
Breaking bad habits is the hardest thing to learn how to do
Common modern proverb; exact origin uncertain. (Unknown)
Always put off till tomorrow what you shouldn’t do at all
A satirical twist on the proverb often attributed to Benjamin Franklin. (Anonymous)
Practice the art of patience
Origin uncertain; a modern proverb emphasizing skill in patience. (English Proverb)
Raise patience to a passion
Life’s Little Instruction Book (H. Jackson Brown Jr.)
